The Art of Sideline Distraction

Hey coaches! Are disruptions weighing heavy on your players and hurting their focus during the big game? Referees not paying you time of day on borderline calls? Fans not flocking and news media not covering your awesome team's performances? Want to turn any mundane snoozer into a party atmosphere? Create a spectacle!

If I ever stalk the sidelines of a hardwood floor, my goal is to enact this battle plan and deflect attention to the bench.

I'm not saying hog the spotlight for yourself, but if you need to do something wacky to gain notice and notoriety (and you have the personality for it)...here are some suggestions.

Sure, it's going to take a lot to upstage the snappy dressing Middle Tennessee women's basketball coach Tom Hodges in any arena. Take a look at these threads! Craig Sager and Don Cherry might even blush if they ventured into Mr. Hodges' closest.

But, give it a shot!

Just make sure you don't go down and out like Georgia State's Ron Hunter.

Try donning any of these crazy costumes or wield any number of preposterous props:
-Air traffic runway controller get-up (glowstick wands makes signalling the pick-n-roll easy)
-A football coach's headset and playsheet (have an assistant aid you with signs in case you have a nearsighted point guard)
-The Pat Riley - a slick suit and slicker hair
-The Larry Brown (ABA version, stay away from SMU) - overalls apparently (bonus for full Canadian Tuxedo)
-A bullhorn
-Hawaiian shorts and lawn chair (your 6th man will need to bring you fruity drinks during timeouts)
-Riding on stationary bike
-La-Z Boy recliner
-Your old basketball uniform (I'm sure it still fits!)

And don't be afraid to ransack your local school theatre, if need be.

Maybe you need some accompaniment to pull off the trick.

Call on some help:
-Cheerleader(s)
-Personal referee
-A third base coach giving signs (high socks and stirrups only, please)
-Spike Lee in the front row!
-Mascot with antics up the 'wazoo' (I've always just wanted to use that word)
-Seeing eye dog
-Flag drill team
-One man band (let's hope he knows "Basketball Jones")
-A gruff boxing trainer and cornerman
-Sign language interpreter (I've actually seen this in a high school JV game)

There you have it: guaranteed attention. Probably for all the wrong reasons!