Dear David Letterman

My friend Eric 'The Top Civilian' Osterholm recently wrote an open letter to his favorite talk show host and comedian. Here are his Letterman memories:

Dear David Letterman,

My name is Eric Lee Osterholm I, and I think I may be your bastard son. Just kidding.

I am writing you because I have been a fan of your show for decades - and soon the joy you have given me over the years will end. I have never written a fan letter before and if this actually reaches your desk, I hope it will cause a gapped smile across your face as you have made me laugh countless times over the years.

I hail from a magical place, your old Home Office: Sioux City, Iowa. Needless to say I grew up in a Letterman household. Your opening monologues were the best in the biz, and my parents let me stay up until after the Top 10 list each night. Your witty banter with Paul Shaffer gave me hope that with enough therapy, I could overcome my fear of Canadians (those pasty-faced toothless bastards).

It was an age before Tom Cruise went crazy. Before reality TV. When I would hear a new band play live on your stage and I would actually buy the CD the next day. The first time I heard Counting Crows and Radiohead was on your show. And my life was forever changed.

I always wished one day I would have a band that would play on the Letterman show. That I would be baptized in the stage lights of the Ed Sullivan Theater and BOOM! My dream would come true - live for the world to see.

But it does not look like that will happen… Just so you know my band - The Gateway Drug - would have rocked your socks off. We would have brought a grin to your face and hopefully inspired a few young kids to illegally download our music.

Thank you for making my nights happier, for teaching me to laugh deeper and for Drew Barrymore flashing you - you lucky man.

If you could do a Top 10 list from Sioux City one last time, I would throw a watermelon and big ass ham off a building for you.

Your bastard son,
Eric Lee Osterholm I